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So What DO Women Want?

Dear Adrienne:

What do you think more important -- finding a man who has a good job, but who has to work more than 60 hours a week and spend a lot of time away from home, who doesn't have the time to give you the attention you need, or finding a man who has not-so-good a job, but all the time in the world for you? I know the answer seems obvious, but I am the guy in option #1, and I was wondering if there were many women who would give a little on the relationship side, for more freedom, financially.

Steve, Stamford, CT

Dear Steve:

Believe me…there are plenty of women who would opt for a guy with money over a guy without. Everyone knows that guys with money tend to work long hours and spend a lot of time away from home. Those who only care about the size of a man's wallet, are probably quite happy to overlook the fact that you're not around much. You should have no problem at all finding women willing to date and/or marry you.

The real issue is not whether you can find a woman who is willing to trade personal attention for a huge shopping budget. The question here is whether you want to be with that kind of woman.

If the answer is no; if you are looking for an emotionally meaningful relationship but are not willing to compromise on your work schedule, there are still options.

One, date self-confident, independent women. Women with their own important jobs and busy lives, are less likely to be needy of your time, and more respectful of your business issues. Two, learn to make the most of the time you do have together. Make sure she knows that she is important to you -- and not by the things you buy her, but by the attention you pay her. Any woman worth having would much rather sit quietly with you --even if it's only for an hour or two a day -- and talk about important things than have expensive gifts. A woman who complains you're never around but can be consistently "bought off" (i.e., you send her diamond earrings and she shuts up about it for a while) is not a woman worth fighting for. When you are with her, turn off the cell phone,
forget the email, and focus on her.

One more thing: Men who give their entire lives to their careers, neglecting their families, often end up lonely and bitter. Never underestimate the importance of love and a happy family life. Without question, love beats money and success, hands down.

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