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About Hairy
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe,
I'm 19 years old and am as hairy as a gorilla. I don't mean just a
little downy fur here or there. I've got thick, dark hair on my chest,
back, legs, butt and arms. I also have a heavy beard and I get a wicked
5 o'clock shadow which I have to shave if I'm going out in the evening.
Even my pubic hair is thick, and goes halfway up my penis. I rarely
date and am still a virgin, no doubt because girls don't like such
hairy guys. Is there any cure for this problem?
-- I'm Hairy High and Low
Dear Hairy:
Aren't you being a wee bit paranoid about your body hair? I mean,
assuming you generally go out in public fully dressed, how do women
even know you look like Mighty Joe Young in your birthday suit? And
what makes you think babes don't like that? Plenty of women take hairiness
as a sign of masculinity.
You know, it's very inviting to blame our problems (in this case,
social failures) on things over which we have no control. That way,
we don't have to take responsibility for them. I think, if you examine
the situation more closely, and are totally honest with yourself,
you'll find the real social issues are shyness, insecurity, fear of
rejection. All of which, by the way, are totally normal and completely
"curable" given adequate self-analysis and a strong desire to get
past these issues.
If being less hirsute would boost your morale and confidence, however,
there are ways to accomplish that. You can have your body waxed, though
it's painful and expensive, but hey, if body builders can take it,
so can you! You can use depilatory (hair removal) creams and lotions,
although not in your delicate private areas. And you'll obviously
need help with your back. Forget electrolysis. (They attack each hair
one by one. You'll be at it till the next millenium.)
As for your hairy manhood, careful shaving and trimming ought to do
the trick.
Just a note: If you're really, truly abnormally hairy (we're talking
circus act, here), I suggest you see an endocrinologist. Perhaps you
have a hormonal imbalance which can be helped with medication.
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